Independent Women?
So the other day, I received an e-mail which encouraged me to be comfortable as a proud, black, non-married, single woman who has a strong faith in God. The e-mail also told me that I had nothing to be ashamed of if I didn't have a man in my life, and that my "king" was still being prepared by God. Now the e-mail is encouraging, don't get me wrong, but I wonder if any proud, black, non-married, single men who have a strong faith in God get the same type of e-mail. My guess is that they don't.
Society is always "soothing" the single woman who hasn't been in a relationship in a long time. How many of us have watched an Oprah episode that told us what men are thinking or what they want in a relationship? How many of us have bought the self-help books that give us tips on how to find "Mr. Right"? How many of us have attended seminars that tell us how to live a happy, single life (however, if you find a man as a result of a seminar then you're a success)? It's seems to me that a single woman has some sort of disease that needs to be treated by these books, seminars, and e-mails. Which is ridiculous.
What annoys me is that people measure a woman's success or existence based on her ability to be in an intimate relationship with a man. There have been so many times at family gatherings or at church when I was asked if I had a boyfriend. When the answer was "No" I would get the response "It's okay, don't rush it, he'll come in time." Well, if it's okay and I'm not suppose to rush it, why do people feel the need to ask me this question, right after saying hello?
Women are encouraged to find their one true love while men are encouraged to "test the waters." It's as if the woman has to maintain her purity for that one man, the man who was encouraged to be with as many women to strengthen his manhood. What bugs me is when women have this "I am woman, hear me roar" attitudes, to prove that they enjoy being single, but once they get a man, all of that goes out of the window because they feel like they have arrived. So these self-proclaimed independent woman talk all the talk in the world, but give them the choice to have a man that provides for them and they'll take it.
Women could really learn from men and just live. We have nothing to prove for being single. We don't need books to tell us how to be happy with our "man-less lives." A woman should be happy in all situations because they all involve the same thing, her.
6 Comments:
I think some people talk that way because they haven't met the person that is truly made for them. I know that it was hard for me to realize how happy I can be in a relationship until I met the person that I will spend the rest of my life with.
Reef, via BlackElectorate.com
Congrats On getting recognized by Black Electorate, I just found your site when I was surfing on that site I go to daily. I've kept a blog and I still haven't gotten linked up on to it! LOL. But you got good writing skills and such.Keep doing your thing.
Robert
This is a very good subject I would like to hear more about your thoughts on this.
Just to clarify, I am in a relationship, so as of now, I am holding on to my man. I am by no means a feminist, not at all, I was just commenting on the pressure women face to be in a relationship. Yes there are sacrifices, on both sides, in a relationship; it just causes a problem when one of the parties doesn't realize that. (Men and women are guilty of this). I wasn't advocating "I don't need a man" attitude, nor am I putting it down. Whatever women want, they should go for. We just shouldn't be pressured into a relationship. That's all I was saying.
Thanks for linking me.
I will be linking you as well, and I appreciate your thoughts on this subject.
Being so far removed from American culture and attitudes, you would be shocked by the response I get here when I say I don't have a boyfriend - it's almost exactly the same! Though Japanese people tend to laugh nervously when they get an answer they don't expect, they usually follow it with, "Oh, ok" and the "It'll happen for you" kinda smile. It takes far too much effort to explain how asinine it would be for me to have a boyfriend here, so I endure the gestures and keep on living exactly how I want...which is why I love this post!
Excellent post! Well articulated, well written, well said.
And I agree 100%.
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