Lookin for a cheater?

This morning, The Today Show had a segment on a website that calls out cheating men. The website features pictures, names, and location of these men. Some of the descriptions are hilarious; it's very obvious that the women these men cheated on are very bitter. Kobe Bryant even has a profile. Now that's funny. The scorned women's identity is anonymous, but the men sure aren't. IT appears to be a global website, so if you plan on dating in the UK, you'll be able to search for the cheaters in that area. The site is nothing special looking but it receives about 200,000+ hits a day.


My thing is, just because a man has cheated once doesn't mean he'll continue to cheat. He might change his ways and settle down with a nice young woman one day. But hey, at least it's useful just in case you browse the website and see that your boyfriend was recently reported for being a cheater.

I'm waiting on the website that calls out cheating women.

Don't Date Him

Picture: Tasha Joseph, journalist/columnist, creator of the website.

Gettin too old for this

I'm back...school work has to come first. Anyway,

Shows on MTV and BET make me feel like I'm 40 years old. However, I'm only in my early 20's. The programming is meaningless and has no substance.

Case in point, The Real World and College Hill (The Real World with color). Both of these shows have nothing to offer to me. I watch it and it's the same thing, over and over again. The token gay person, the ho, the player, the conservative Christian, the "girl that nobody likes but always has something to say," and the frat boy. Why don't we get tired of these programmings. Why do we feel we still have to watch it?

TRL and 106th and Park are just not the same anymore. The hosts/V-jays that they have now are just horrible. Nobody sings live anymore and if they do they surely don't sound like their CD recording, which really annoys me since I'm a big fan of vocalists.

Even the dating shows have become a bit much and MTV is filled with them now. They would probably be fine if it wasn't for the obvious scripting that occurred during the confessionals. They are the cheesiest one-liners that I've ever heard. It's so fake, soooooooo fake.

Also, just with BET, that new Lil' Kim show, well I'm not sure what all that is going to entail but I'm sure it will be a hot mess. I'll admit though, at times this show might be funny yet embarrassing to the black community all at the same time. There's nothing new to black people laughing at something that is degrading to them. We've let BET and UPN last this long.

I'm surprised that the younger generations still look forward to this type of television. I miss the days of sitcoms and real actors on television. I guess that's just a thing of the past now.

What in the world do I need to exhale for?

Ok, I'm currently watching Waiting to Exhale, one of the black female anthem movies of all times. I couldn't help to ask myself, do some women really feel like they only begin to live when they get a man? If you hold your breath til a man comes, you will die; especially if you're waiting for the right man.

Girl, just breathe. Don't let a man disturb your natural flow of oxygen.

Overall, this movie is just silly to me. It really shows black people and relationships in a bad light. Not only is it male bashing it's women bashing too, both of them look like idiots. Even at the end, when the character played by Whitney Houston finally tells her man off, and the audience is suppose to cheer...cheer for what? She shouldn't have been with the married man in the first place. Also, the Lela Rochon's character finally tells her man off and says she doesn't need him in her life anymore, the one she's going to have the baby by, again, we're suppose to cheer, but in reality she should at least tell him to stick around for the child support and nothing else. The Wesley Snipes character is bad too. "But Tiffany, he didn't sleep with Angela, he just laid next to her" Whatever. He shouldn't have been in the same bed with her if he was a married man.

Now, I'll admit this movie is entertaining, but it's nothing to learn a lesson from. Women should not be preaching from this movie nor should they be saying Amen at the end credits.

Should There Be Personal Gain in Church?

Man, I can already hear the toes cracking, you know the ones I might end up stepping on.

Anyway, I was reading a post called Just Call on Jesus and I felt an interesting point was brought up. A lot of black preachers do tend to put on a show when they're in the pulpit preaching about the goodness of God. However, this goodness of God preaching tends to focus on the material gain that most people expect as Christians. We've all been promised that new car, that new house, that good husband, that good wife, that well-behaved child, that job promotion, that financial breakthrough; and we will get all of this if we tithe. Now don't get me wrong, we should tithe or at least give some offering, but the best offering we could give God is our service, but a lot of black preachers don't really talk about how we need to give our time to the Lord. They focus on the material gain of being a Christian (which is an oxymoron to me) rather than the spiritual gain. How many of us really pray for wisdom, peace, discipline in our faith, or for each other? A lot of us have become "me" Christians; we want our blessings first then we can pray that others get there's.

Then there's the music aspect of the church. So many of us are turned away from hearing the Word if we don't like the way the choir is singing that Sunday. The preaching may be tight but if the music isn't there then most people aren't compelled to come back. I can understand this, because I've felt this way, but then I have to wonder, am I really listening to the words of the song or the modulations and syncopation in the music. It should be that the words are the most powerful part of the song, but if somebody hits that good run, that's when the congregation claps. Therefore, the focus is put on how the choir sings rather than whom the choir is singing about, God.

It's quite interesting because there is a distinct difference between the preaching styles of white and black preachers. Going to white churches I hear more about the love of God and how we should love him back with our obedience to his word. Now black churches tend to create a "go to" God, who hears our problems (which is fine) but it stops there. A lot of black churches don't focus on the service part of being a Christian, we want to be served by God.

What do you think?

Oprah Explores Different Races

Ever wonder what you'd look like as another race? Well, now, in a weird way you can. There's this new machine, "creatively" called the Human Race Machine, that can show you what you'd look like as another race.
Click here to see the different races of Oprah

I was watching Oprah today who had an interesting show about "trading races" and she herself experimented with the machine. So today, I saw an Asian-Oprah, White-Oprah, Indian-Oprah, and a Hispanic-Oprah. It was really weird because the machine does more than change your complexion, it changes the features as well. I've been looking for an explanation as to how it works but I haven't quite found one. I'm sure I still wouldn't understand the formulas that the creator, Nancy Burson, put together to come up with this machine. To me, it seems that the machine was created for social awareness. The guy who was demonstrating the machine on Oprah said that any two humans are 99.97% genetically identical. I am a little weary of scientific numbers so I'm not really sure how true this is, but I find this quite interesting. He then went on to explain that we all started in the same geographical area but as we migrated to various places our skin and hair adapted according; now this I could buy.

The show then continued with two families, a white family and a black family, who swapped races for six weeks. I can't even begin to explain the tension they faced during this process because they all had to live together in the same house for this time period. Race was basically the topic of conversation 24/7. Naturally, the naivete of both families came out. One thing that shocked me was an exercise they had to do with each other; it involved "talking" like the other race without their prosthetic makeup on. So the wife from the white family decides to say to the wife from the black family "hey bitch"; and she thought it was okay because she believed she heard that word was a term of endearment between black women...uh, hardly the case. Of course, the black family came across as more aggressive and angry, which some may argue was embarrassing to see on the Oprah show (remember majority white middle-class audience), but in all honesty, I felt their attitudes were accurate and genuine. I could see myself being aggressive if I was put in a situation like that.

If you read this post before 1 am tonight, you can probably catch the repeat of the show. If not, look out for the documentary series Black.White. which will air on the F/X channel starting March 8 @ 10pm.

Halle Berry's Trying "Something New"

Well, I guess technically, she's trying something half-new. As you can tell by the picture, Ms. Berry's got a new boo and he's lacking pigmentation compared to her past lovers. I guess Halle wanted a change from guys who beat her (that was either Wesley Snipes or Christopher Williams), guys who hurt her so bad that she wanted to commit suicide (David Justice), or guys who cheated on her with multiple women (Eric Benet). It's interesting how this guy is just as pretty as her, not handsome, pretty. This should be interesting. Watch this one last, lol.

The Perfect Woman?

If you had to guess who some black men consider to be the perfect woman who would it be? Halle Berry? Nope. Vivica Fox? Maybe, but not really. Beyonce? Wrong again. Give up? Try Claire Huxtable, yep, that's right the TV character from The Cosby Show. Why is she the ideal woman well here are some of the reasons taken from a black man's blog:
1) Fluent in Two-languages
2) Career-Driven
3) Family-Driven
4) Able to ummm "handle business" (I'm assuming this means she's good in bed)
5) Dominant yet Submissive

So ladies, if you want your black man to consider you the ideal woman, make sure you have these qualities.

Lest I forget, if this is what they're looking for from us, maybe we should be expecting the same thing from them. Sounds fair, right?

Note: This post was inspired by various conversations with the black men in my circle of associates/friends about The Cosby Show. It may not be true for all black men, but I'm sure if they heard the argument of the guys I know, they'd agree.

Let Go, Let Flow

This is geared toward my black sisters, but I'm sure anyone could relate:

Last night, I finally got the chance to see the movie Something New and it was definitely something of a treat. To my relief it was not the typical romance comedy movie, yes there were many funny parts (probably because I went with a group of women who had loads of hilarious commentary) but ultimately the movie focused on the actual relationship and the struggle people will face in an interracial relationship. Now I have never dated outside of my race, so I wouldn't know what it really feels like to date a non-black guy, but I could totally relate to the Kenya character's hang ups about letting go of the dream of catching the IBM (Ideal Black Man).

While watching the movie, I was reminded of so many older black woman in my life who struggle with finding the perfect mate, especially in my family. Now on paper, these women are very successful and appear to be a hot commodity, but as the movie showed, what's perfect on paper isn't perfect for the heart. In many conversations about dating that I've had with black men, I might have to admit that they have the one up on us. Now, I know some sisters don't like to see their black men dating outside of the race (I am one of them from time to time), but I'd bet that it doesn't really phase black men when they see black women dating outside of their race. Black men have learned not to limit themselves when it comes to finding a significant other. Maybe it's time for us, black women, to lower that pedestal that we put our black men on, at least to make it even with other men, and start making ourselves available to other men.

Unfortunately, black women still face the dilemma of being the least desirable of all women. Yes, men are attracted to the typical black woman body (big chest, big butt, etc.) but that only reduces us to sexual objects, not future mates. We have been labeled as too strong, too loud, too nagging, too opinionated, too demanding, the list could go on and on. So with those general characteristics floating around, who would want to date a black woman; probably no one, if all of that were true for EVERY black woman. I still don't understand why those traits are magnified when it comes to black women, we're not the only ones who nag or demand a lot from their men. Again, in conversation I have brought up the least desirable theory, but some black men say that it is the black woman who has to put down the shield that is blocking possible prospects, then maybe they'll be approached more by non-black guys and just maybe they'll find someone who makes them happier (notice I said happier, not happy, the woman should already be happy before she meets a man). Now, I could see some truth in this comment, but I'm still struggling with the fact that it might not be that easy.

We as black women were raised to adore our black men. Yes, we may be hard on them but our reason for that is we want them to do their best. We want them to get their acts together and we want them to help us get our acts together. We have this ideal of keeping the black family together and helping to build the black community. We want our men to be leaders in the households, but first our men have to stay present in the household. It's pretty much ingrained in our heads to find that good black man and raise some good black children; but sisters, maybe it's time to just find a good man, and raise some good children.

I'm sure it will take forever for black women to change that mind set.

Note: Something New was written by Kriss Turner, a black woman, and directed by Sanaa Hamri, a black woman. They both did an excellent job. Maybe I'll be in their shoes one day. SUPPORT!
Kriss Turner wrote for Living Single, Everybody Hates Chris, and Whoopi